contagious rage

have you ever knowingly been given the middle finger by someone you’ve never met?

what purpose does it serve to express disappointment in someone else through something like giving the middle finger? why does that so easily light a fuse in others? these thoughts poured through my mind one afternoon a week ago. in a rush to get to a barbecue I had planned in the middle of a rainstorm, I was repeatedly stymied by people failing to plan little things, or forgetting to do something. People make mistakes, and while I was clearly getting a little frustrated by being made late to the barbecue, I didn’t complain. I just asked people to fix the problems quickly.

At one point, I had to return to an apartment complex for someone to grab a pair of tongs. No big deal on the having to return– it happens– but as the person came back with the tongs, a woman parked next to me and started to unload stuff from her side-loading van. I very carefully pulled out of my parking space, which elicited a hideous stare from my neighbor. I stopped abruptly, wondering what her malfunction could be. She moved away from my car a bit and I pulled out, looking in the reverse direction. I did see her make some movement though, and while I didn’t catch it, I knew what had happened by my passengers’ reactions.

“She just flipped you off!” one person said. I faced front in my seat, while the vermin woman scurried off in the other direction. At this point, I was overwhelmed with anger. It had been building the entire afternoon and this woman had been the last straw. But why? I didn’t know this woman, and there was little logic behind her outburst. I had not wronged her by pulling my car out of the spot while she was next to me, her open door well outside of my path. While I could blame my state of mind, I’m not going to. I’m pinning the whole fiasco on this woman, who showed a moment of thoughtless negative expression. She didn’t know the kind of damage an expression like that could wreak, or perhaps she knew and meant to do it. Maybe she’s desensitized to the meanness of others or perhaps she just lacks empathy, not too unlike psychopathy. I have since this event decided to unabashedly demonize her, as you can see.

As I was driving away, my passengers continually barraged me with more stressful questions– “Chris, it’s raining, are we going to have the BBQ still?” “Someone’s calling me, what should I tell them?” The naysayers and doubting Thomas’s fueled the flames. I sat silently, driving to the BBQ site as people asked these questions. I wanted to sort through the situation on my own since I was convinced every other opinion was just adding to the noise. Normally I am a leader that chooses to guide decisions to be made as a collective, but I couldn’t do that here. The situation was altogether too negatively charged, so I cut everyone else out of the equation. Was this as logical as needing to make my own decision, unhindered by the conflicting opinions– or was it that I was temporarily turned away from the opinions of others entirely?

I hope my reactions later that afternoon didn’t inspire rage in others. The whole event really makes me think about how powerful even my actions toward a stranger can be.